Dear My Husband’s iPhone:
How’s my husband doing? You two have been spending so much time together lately that I feel like I need to ask your permission to have a conversation. Do you think maybe one of these days I can get a little time with my husband, too?
Sure, I can’t show him what his high school friends have been doing for the past 20 years or help him make witty jabs at coworkers via group e-mails. And, I definitely can’t compete when it comes to news updates.
But really, iPhone — Don’t you think you’ve overstepped your boundaries? I mean, what gives you the right to come into bed with us? And, if another day goes by where he looks at you before me first thing in the morning, I’m going to start suspecting something more than just a casual friendship.
Don’t get me wrong: I’ve spent many a Saturday night playing Scramble with Friends instead of enjoying actual, real-time conversations. I love your apps as much as anyone.
But you’ve got to back off. I want my husband back.